For most of my life, I have considered myself a positive, optimistic, and sunny person. I have always believed that positivity is a choice, and I remember the exact moment when I decided to embrace it as my way of life. It was not just something that happened – it was intentional. Over time, with effort and practice, I trained my mind to shift toward a more positive direction.
But something changed in January.
Suddenly, what had felt natural for years was no longer easy. Every thought I had was negative, and every fear I had ever pushed away stood right in front of me, demanding my attention.
It was exhausting.
I found myself second-guessing every single decision, analyzing every situation until I felt drained. My mind had become my worst enemy, justifying every negative thought with excuses like “You have never thought about this before, so if it is coming up now, it must mean something”.
The more I spiraled, the worse it got. Anxiety took over, and my usually optimistic perspective was nowhere to be found. I was afraid – not just for myself but for the people I love. The thought that ” The more you have, the more you can lose” haunted me. I was terrified that everything I had built, the life I loved, could slip away.
I had to find a way to break the cycle.
(Disclaimer: What I am sharing is my personal experience. I am not a therapist, psychologist, or mental health professional. If you are struggling with persistent negative thoughts or anxiety, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help.)
Recognizing the thought spiral
The first step in shifting my mindset was acknowledging what was happening. Negative thoughts have a way of creeping in quietly at first, but before you know it, they multiply and take over. I had to recognize that my mind was playing tricks on me and that these thoughts were not necessarily the truth.
I also realized that fighting these thoughts head-on only made them stronger. At first, I tried to shut them out, to pretend they were not there. But that approach backfired. The more I resisted them, the louder they became.
Instead, I had to learn to let them flow – without judgment, without panic – just acknowledging them and letting them pass through me.
Avoiding black-and-white thinking
One of the biggest traps of anxiety is seeing everything in extremes. My mind was stuck in an all-or-nothing loop, convincing me that if one thing went wrong, everything would collapse. I had to remind myself that life is not just black or white – it is full of shades in between.
To break this pattern, I started forcing myself to consider multiple outcomes instead of the worst-case scenario. If a problem or fear popped up, I challenged myself to list different possible results – good, bad, neutral, or even unexpected twists that could turn out well. It was not about forcing myself to be blindly positive but about breaking the illusion that disaster was the only possible ending.
Challenging emotional reasoning
One of the biggest mistakes I made was believing that just because I felt something, it must be true. This is called emotional reasoning, and it is a powerful trick our minds play on us.
For example, my brain told me, If you have insurance for accidents, it must mean something bad is going to happen soon. That is ridiculous, right? Logically, I knew that was not how life works. But in the moment, my emotions convinced me otherwise.
To combat this, I started grounding myself in reality. Whenever a thought like that popped up, I asked myself:
• Is this based on actual facts or just my feelings?
• Has anything actually happened to suggest this is true?
• Would I say this to a friend if they were in my position?
Often, just pausing to question the thought was enough to weaken its grip on me.
Related posts:
- 8 Simple ways to became a more positive person
- Don’t wrap your head before breaking it: embracing the present without unnecessary worries
- Positivity is a choice, a daily practice for a happier life
Bringing my focus back to the present
One of the most effective strategies I found was shifting my attention outward. When anxiety takes over, it locks you inside your own mind, making everything feel bigger and scarier than it really is.
So, I started using my five senses to bring myself back to the present moment.
• What do I see right now? The color of the sky, the way the light hits the table, and the details in the room.
• What do I hear? Birds outside, music playing, distant voices.
• What do I feel? The warmth of my coffee mug, my feet on the ground.
By doing this, I was able to step out of my head, even if just for a moment, and remind myself that my thoughts were not my reality.
Finding the root cause
Instead of treating each anxious thought as its own separate issue, I started looking for patterns. Was there a deeper reason behind this sudden wave of negativity? Was something specific triggering it?
After some reflection, I realized that this shift in my mindset had not come out of nowhere. Maybe it was hormones. Maybe it was just a phase. Or maybe it was connected to the big life changes happening around me. Whatever the cause, understanding it helped me take back some control.
Using positive affirmations
I will be honest – positive affirmations used to feel a bit forced to me. The idea of standing in front of a mirror telling myself, “You are strong, you are capable”, felt unnatural. But I gave it a try anyway.
At first, my brain resisted. But with time, I started noticing a shift. The more I repeated positive statements, the more they became part of my internal dialogue. Some of my go-to affirmations became:
• “I am safe right now”.
• “I have overcome hard times before, and I will again”.
• “Not every thought I have is true”.
It felt weird at first, but repetition worked. My brain had been so used to feeding me negative thoughts that it needed time to adjust to a new way of thinking.
Talking about It helped
One of the most important things I did was talk to Pietro. He is naturally very rational, so I knew that sharing my fears with him would help ground me. When I opened up, something amazing happened – I felt lighter. Saying my thoughts out loud took away some of their power.
I also started writing them down. Seeing them on paper helped me reframe them, turning them from overwhelming fears into manageable challenges. Writing gave me the space to examine them logically and even rewrite them with a more positive spin.
Letting go of the need for certainty
At the end of the day, a lot of my anxiety came from wanting guarantees – wanting to know that everything would be okay. But life does not come with guarantees. And that is okay.
I realized that trying to control every outcome was not just impossible – it was exhausting. Instead of searching for certainty, I started focusing on trust. Trusting myself to handle whatever comes. Trusting that I have been through challenges before and made it through. Trusting that even in uncertainty, there is room for joy.
The light at the end of the tunnel
I will not say that shifting my mindset was easy. It took time, patience, and a lot of practice. But I can say that I feel better. The same way the negativity crept in, it eventually started to fade. And just like before, it did not happen by accident – it happened because I worked at it.
If you are feeling stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, know that you are not alone. It is possible to shift your mindset. It is possible to feel lighter. It takes effort, but you are capable of it.
And if today feels dark, just remember – thoughts are just thoughts. They are not always reality. And they do not define you.
Thank you for spending time with me today!
See you next time.
Valentina
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