Have you ever felt stuck, like you just are not good at something and will never be? Or maybe you have been around people who seem to give up before they even try, convinced that failure is just proof they are not talented enough. On the flip side, have you ever met someone who seems to tackle every challenge with excitement, knowing they will figure it out eventually?
I have always been curious, eager to learn, and not easily discouraged. However, that does not mean I have always had a growth mindset. There were times when I believed I simply was not the kind of person who could do certain things; that is a fixed mindset talking. Once I started seeing things differently, I realized how much our mindset shapes the way we approach challenges, failures, and success.
This concept is not just some motivational speech, it actually has a name. Psychologist Carol Dweck first introduced the terms “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset“, which explain a lot about why some people thrive while others stay stuck in their comfort zone.
What exactly is mindset?
Mindset is more than just an attitude – it is the set of beliefs we hold about ourselves, our abilities, and the world around us. It affects how we think, feel, and act in every situation. Whether you believe that your abilities are fixed or that they can grow determines how you face difficulties, respond to failure, and push yourself toward success.
Your mindset shapes how you experience life. It determines whether you step out of your comfort zone, whether you take risks, and whether you keep going when things get hard. It is not just about school or work; it affects parenting, relationships, and even the way you handle stress.
And here is the key: your mindset is not set in stone. It can change.
Fixed mindset
A fixed mindset is when you believe that your intelligence, talents, and abilities are unchangeable. You either have them or you do not. People with this mindset often think:
• “I am not a math person.”
• “I could never do that.”
• “If I fail, it means I am not good enough.”
They tend to avoid challenges because struggling makes them feel less capable. If something is difficult, they assume they are just not meant to do it, so they stop trying. And when they see others succeed, they feel threatened, as if someone else’s achievement somehow diminishes their worth.
How a fixed mindset shows up in real life
• A student who avoids difficult subjects because they do not want to risk getting a bad grade.
• A friend who never tries new things because they believe they are just not talented enough.
• Someone who gives up on fitness because they are convinced they are just not athletic.
I have been there, too. Immediately after I moved to England, my English was not perfect, and my accent was strong. Every time I mispronounced a word or struggled to understand someone, I felt embarrassed. I told myself, “I will never sound fluent. This is just how I am.” That is classic fixed mindset thinking – assuming that if I was struggling, it meant I would never improve.
Growth mindset
A growth mindset is the belief that abilities can develop through effort, learning, and persistence. It is the idea that you might not be good at something yet, but you can improve.
People with a growth mindset tend to think:
• “I do not know how to do this… yet.”
• “I can get better if I keep practicing.”
• “Mistakes are just part of learning.”
They see challenges as opportunities, accept feedback as a way to grow, and keep pushing forward even when things get tough.
How a growth mindset shows up in real life
• A musician who practices every day, knowing that talent is built, not just born.
• A student who asks for help when struggling because they believe they can improve.
• Someone who faces failure, learns from it, and tries again instead of giving up.
That is what happened with me and English. At some point, I decided that instead of feeling stuck, I would pay more attention to pronunciation, practice new words, and – no matter how awkward it felt – speak as much as possible. I slowly got better. If I had kept my fixed mindset, I would still be struggling, avoiding conversations, and believing I would never improve. But shifting to a growth mindset changed everything.
Mindset in parenting
One of the biggest mistakes we can make as parents is praising children in a way that reinforces a fixed mindset.
• Saying “You are so smart!” makes intelligence seem like a fixed trait.
• Saying “I love how hard you worked on that!” teaches kids that effort leads to success.
Kids who are praised for effort rather than talent learn that they can improve through hard work. They become more resilient, more willing to take on challenges, and less afraid of failure.
Mindset and how we handle failure
Imagine two people apply for their dream job and get rejected.
• The person with a fixed mindset thinks, “I am not good enough. I will never get a job like that.”
• The person with a growth mindset thinks, “What can I learn from this? Maybe I need to improve my skills or approach. I will try again.”
One gives up. The other keeps going. Which one do you think has a higher chance of success?
How to tell which mindset you have
Ask yourself these questions:
1. How do I react to challenges – do I avoid them or see them as opportunities?
2. When I fail at something, do I take it personally or see it as a chance to learn?
3. Do I feel threatened by successful people or inspired by them?
4. Do I believe skills and intelligence are fixed, or do I believe they can grow?
If you lean towards a fixed mindset, do not worry – you can change it!
Related posts:
- Stepping out of your comfort zone
- 15 ways to embrace change and finding balance
- Why are we afraid of change?
- 11 Ways to overcome the fear of change
Can you shift from a fixed to a growth mindset?
Yes! The good news is that mindset is not permanent. You can train your brain to think differently.
A simple but powerful way to start is by embracing the idea of “not yet.” Instead of saying, “I cannot do this,” say, “I cannot do this… yet.” That tiny shift keeps the door open for growth.
Another way to develop a growth mindset is by stepping outside your comfort zone. Growth happens when we challenge ourselves. The more we push past our limits, the more we expand them.
Mindset and happiness
At the end of the day, improving your mindset is not just about success – it is about enjoying life. When you see everything as a learning opportunity, failures do not feel as devastating, challenges feel exciting instead of terrifying, and life just feels lighter.
I have learned that even the hardest moments teach us something valuable. Every challenge, every mistake, and every setback all add to our growth if we let them.
Thank you for spending time with me today!
See you next time.
Valentina
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