We have all been there: doubting ourselves, avoiding risks, secretly hoping nobody notices our mistakes. For years, I didn’t realize how much of my thinking was stuck in a “fixed mindset.” It wasn’t that I didn’t want to grow; I just thought certain things about me were set in stone. Either you are good at something, or you are not. Right?
Well… no. Turns out that belief was holding me back more than any external obstacle ever could. And once I started shifting toward a growth mindset, my entire perspective changed, not just on learning, but on failure, parenting, relationships, and even creativity.
In this post, I would like to share the small changes that helped me rewire my thinking.
What is a mindset?
Let’s start here: a mindset is a set of beliefs and attitudes we have about ourselves and the world. It shapes how we interpret challenges, how we react to setbacks, and how open we are to change.
People with a fixed mindset often believe that abilities and intelligence are innate; you are either born with it, or you are not. They may avoid failure at all costs and secretly dread making mistakes.
Those with a growth mindset, instead, believe that skills can be developed. They view mistakes as part of the learning process, love a good challenge, and believe in progress over perfection.
Guess which one leads to a more fulfilling life? Spoiler: not the fixed one.
How to make the shift
1. Notice your triggers
One of the first steps in shifting your mindset is identifying the moments when your brain wants to retreat into the fixed zone. For me, it often happened when I felt judged or insecure, like when someone corrected my English pronunciation when we had just moved to England. Bam! Suddenly, I was that girl who thought, “I will never sound fluent, what’s the point?”
Most of these reactions are automatic, shaped by past experiences, both good and bad. Maybe a teacher told you that you weren’t good at math. Maybe a parent compared you to someone else. These little moments can plant deep beliefs.
But here is the trick: once you notice your fixed mindset triggers, you can start to challenge them. When I hear myself say, “I can’t do this,” I now pause and ask, “Or maybe I just can’t do it yet?”
2. Embrace the power of “not yet”
This little phrase is magic. Instead of saying, “I am terrible at public speaking,” I now say, “I am not great yet.” It opens the door to growth instead of slamming it shut.
Our brains are designed to grow and adapt, also known as neuroplasticity. Just like we can learn a new recipe or a new route to work, we can train ourselves to think differently.
Adding “not yet” to your internal dialogue gives you space. It lets you stay curious instead of defeated.
3. Be nice to yourself
Raise your hand if you have ever said, “Ugh, I am so stupid,” or “I will never get this right.” Would you ever say that to your best friend? Your child? Your dog?
Exactly.
One of the biggest shifts for me was learning to silence the negative self-talk. It is not easy, especially if you have lived with it for years. But you can practice. Now, when I catch myself being mean to myself, I ask, “Would I say this to Elisa or Marco?” If not, I will rephrase.
Try swapping “I am so bad at this” with “I am still learning.” Or “I failed” with “That didn’t work – what can I try differently next time?”
You are your own biggest supporter. Be gentle. Be patient. Be kind.
4. Celebrate the process, not just the result
As someone who loves ticking things off a to-do list, this one took me time to embrace. But now I believe it with all my heart: the journey matters just as much as the destination.
A growth mindset is all about enjoying the process. Every time you show up, try again, or make a little progress, you are building resilience.
Let’s say you are trying to learn a new language. Instead of obsessing over fluency, celebrate the small victories. You understood a joke! You ordered coffee without panic! You made a grammar mistake, but didn’t die of embarrassment!
That’s growth. That’s progress. That deserves confetti.
Related posts:
- Fixed vs growth mindset
- Stepping out of your comfort zone: easy tips for personal growth
- Why are we afraid of change?
5. Redefine failure as feedback
Failure used to terrify me. Growing up, I wanted to do everything perfectly, the first time.
Now I see failure as a teacher. Every mistake shows me something new about myself, about others, about how the world works. If I write a blog post that doesn’t perform well, I don’t delete it in shame. I ask: “What can I learn from this? What can I tweak next time?”
Even in parenting, this mindset shift has changed everything. When something doesn’t go as planned with my kids, I try not to spiral into guilt. Instead, I reflect: “What could I do differently next time? How can I repair this moment?”
Failure isn’t the opposite of success; it is part of it.
6. Step outside your comfort zone
Comfort zones are… well, comfy, but they don’t leave much room for growth.
The first time I spoke in front of a group in English, I was shaking. The first time I posted a personal story on my blog, I nearly deleted it after hitting publish, but every time I pushed myself a little bit, my confidence grew.
Trying something new, whether it is a creative project, a fitness challenge, or a conversation in a second language, rewires your brain to handle uncertainty. And the more you do it, the easier it gets.
So go ahead. Try that pottery class. Speak up in the meeting. Say yes to the road trip. Magic happens outside the comfort zone.
7. Surround yourself with people who inspire you
One of the best ways to shift your mindset? Be around people who live with a growth mindset.
I am lucky to have friends from all over the world. Talking to them, I have learned that there is not one way to be successful or happy. Some have changed careers in their 40s. Some moved to new countries with nothing but a suitcase and a dream. Some have taught themselves completely new skills just for fun.
These people remind me that we are always evolving. We don’t have to stay the same, and when we share stories, we lift each other.
Let yourself be influenced by open minds and kind hearts.
8. Stay curious and keep learning
Growth doesn’t stop once we graduate from school or settle into a job or routine. Lifelong learning is one of the key traits of a growth mindset.
I try to learn something new every week, whether it is how to fix a blog issue, a new expression in English, or a tip from a parenting book. Pietro and I have started learning how to fix problems with the garden irrigation…
Feed your brain regularly and with variety.
9. Set realistic goals and break them down
If I had told myself, “Valentina, go write a 1000-word blog post in a second language,” I would have frozen. But if I say, “Just write the first paragraph,” then the next, then the next… suddenly it feels doable.
That is the secret: set big goals, but break them into small, manageable steps.
Want to get healthier? Start with a walk. Want to launch a business? Do one task a day. Want to switch careers? Research for 15 minutes. Little steps add up, and every one builds your confidence.
10. Be patient and consistent
Change doesn’t happen overnight. I have had moments when I slipped back into old habits, but the trick isn’t to be perfect; it is to keep showing up.
A growth mindset is like a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Keep practicing. Keep showing up. Keep believing in yourself, even when the voice in your head says otherwise.
You are growing every single day, whether you see it or not.
We are capable of so much more than we think
I am still a work in progress, and I always will be. But that is the point, right? We are not meant to stay the same. We are here to evolve, to learn, to stretch beyond our old limits.
Switching from a fixed to a growth mindset has helped me become a more confident, resilient, and curious person. It has changed how I raise my kids, how I handle hard days, and how I talk to myself when no one is listening.
So if you have ever caught yourself thinking, “I can’t do this,” pause. Breathe. Then add one word:
Yet.
You have got this!
Thank you for spending time with me today!
See you next time.
Valentina
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