When I look back on our family’s story, it feels almost like three different lives, each shaped by a unique culture. Raising our children in Italy, then moving to England, and now the U.S., each country brought us a new perspective on parenting. Each stage taught us something valuable, and each lesson became a part of who we are as parents today.
When I first became a mother, I had a very Italian vision of parenting, rooted in my own upbringing and the values I grew up with. Fast forward a few years, and I found myself navigating motherhood in two more countries with such different approaches!
Here is how the Italian, British, and American ways of parenting impacted our family and our understanding of independence, closeness, and growth.
Italy: family and connection
In Italy, family isn’t just a part of life; it is the center of everything. When our children were little, we were surrounded by family. Sundays meant big family lunches, with everyone gathered around the table, exchanging stories and sharing meals. Everyday life was filled with the presence of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, who all played an active role in my children’s lives. It was comforting to know that my children were growing up within this supportive circle, where love and warmth were abundant.
Italian culture values a close connection between parents and children, with parents involved in every step. Decisions are often made as a family, and there is this wonderful sense of “we are all in this together.” But this closeness can come with a flip side: independence is not a primary focus. In Italy, children often rely on family into adulthood, so the push for them to stand alone isn’t as strong. It was this deeply connected, family-centered environment that my children knew until the day we moved to England.
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England: balance and independence
Moving to England was a complete cultural shift. While Italy emphasized family closeness, British parenting placed a noticeable focus on independence and routine. I remember seeing parents encouraging their children to be self-sufficient early on – something that felt so different from the Italian approach. From carrying their school bags to having set bedtime routines, British children were being guided toward independence through the structure.
One of the biggest surprises was how much value was placed on routines. English parents carefully scheduled school, activities, dinner, and bedtime. The predictability gave my children a sense of security, something I hadn’t realized they needed. Establishing our routines wasn’t easy at first (coming from a more relaxed, Italian way of life!), but we soon saw the benefits. Routines helped my kids adjust to school, manage their days more easily, and feel a new level of responsibility. And for me, it was eye-opening to see how well they adapted to this structure.
Our time in England taught me that structure doesn’t mean losing family closeness. It actually created space for my children to experience independence within a safe, predictable environment. This was a big step for us, and it prepared us for our next chapter across the ocean.
America: autonomy and self-reliance
Our next move took us to the U.S., where I discovered a parenting approach that took independence even further. In America, the emphasis on individual choice and self-reliance became clear right away. American children are encouraged to make their own decisions, take risks, and express themselves confidently, even at a young age. I saw children around us setting goals, picking up hobbies independently, and actively choosing their paths.
This level of autonomy felt like the ultimate contrast to the Italian way. While I initially found it challenging, it didn’t take long to see the benefits. The American approach gave my children the chance to build confidence in their decisions. They learned how to adapt to change, handle new experiences, and become more resilient. For me as a parent, it was a lesson in stepping back and allowing them space to grow. I could see them gaining skills they’d need to face challenges and solve problems on their own – something I hadn’t thought about as much in our early days in Italy.
Our family’s unique style
Reflecting on our parenting journey, I can see that each culture gave us something different and valuable. From Italy, we carry the warmth of family closeness, where love and support come first. England gave us structure and routine, helping our children feel secure while building independence. And America gave us the confidence to trust them to explore, make decisions, and embrace their individuality.
Our family now is a blend of these lessons. We speak Italian at home, keeping our roots close, even though my children might throw in a bit of English with their accents! We have close-knit family bonds, we keep a routine that’s flexible enough to let them have some autonomy but consistent enough to give them stability. Most importantly, we let them find their voices, choose their passions, and grow with confidence.
Parenting across three cultures has taught me to adapt, to balance tradition with new ideas, and to let go of some control. Each move brought its own challenges, but each one also brought growth – for my children and for me. I have learned to embrace change, trust my instincts, and let our family evolve with each experience.
Looking back, it is a journey I wouldn’t trade for anything. Each step has shaped who we are, blending the best of three worlds into our family’s unique story.
Thanks for hanging out with me today!
See you next time.
Valentina
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