Trixy Life

Perimenopause, the stage leading up to menopause, is one of those things that you think you understand until you go through it.

As a midwife, I studied this phase in detail. I knew the symptoms, hormonal shifts, and biological reasons behind it. I was convinced that I would handle it with the same stoic attitude I had always applied to life’s challenges. “It is natural,” I told myself. “If nature designed it, we can endure it.”

Then the symptoms hit. And let me tell you, my academic knowledge did not prepare me for reality.

What is perimenopause?

There is no universal age when perimenopause begins; every woman experiences it differently. Some women start noticing changes in their late 30s, while others only experience symptoms in their late 40s or early 50s. This phase can last anywhere from a few years to over a decade. Menopause is officially reached when you have gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period. Until then, you are navigating the transition, and trust me, it can feel like a rollercoaster.

During perimenopause, the ovaries gradually produce fewer hormones, especially estrogen, which causes the menstrual cycle to become irregular. You might go months without a period, then suddenly have a heavy one. Cycles can become longer, shorter, or completely unpredictable.

The symptoms

We have all heard about hot flashes and mood swings, but the reality is that perimenopause is a full-body experience. It is not just about physical symptoms; it affects your emotions, mental clarity, energy levels, and even your sense of identity.

Here are some of the symptoms I experienced, along with a few surprises:

• Hot flashes and night sweats were the worst for me. The sudden heat would make me anxious as if I were about to panic for no reason. I would go from comfortable to overheating in seconds, and at night, I would wake up drenched in sweat.

• Mood swings and anxiety: I have always been an emotional person, but perimenopause took it to another level. I would get irritated over small things, and my anxiety levels skyrocketed. I found myself overthinking everything, questioning my decisions, and feeling restless for no reason.

• Fatigue and lack of motivation: I used to be someone who was always on the go. Suddenly, I felt exhausted all the time. I could have easily taken a nap every afternoon, which was not exactly convenient when I had responsibilities to take care of.

• Frequent urination and bladder changes: I lost count of how many times I had to wake up during the night to go to the bathroom. It became frustrating because, as you might guess, poor sleep makes everything else worse.

• Memory issues: this caught me off guard. I started forgetting little things: dates, conversations, even words mid-sentence. It was frustrating more than anything, like having a thought on the tip of my tongue that just would not come out. Now, I make a conscious effort to double-check things with Pietro, not because I cannot remember anything, but because I like having that extra reassurance.

• Muscle and joint pain: I did not expect this one. I started noticing stiffness in my body, especially in the mornings. My muscles and joints felt more achy than usual, and my carpal tunnel, which had already been an issue, became worse. I eventually had surgery for it, which helped, but I still pay more attention to how my body feels and try to take better care of it.

• Lower libido: let’s be honest, intimacy does change during perimenopause. Hormonal shifts can affect desire, and vaginal dryness can make things less comfortable. It is something many women experience, yet it is not talked about enough. I have always had a healthy libido, and I value that part of my life. So, when I started noticing changes, I paid attention and looked for ways to adapt rather than just accepting it as an inevitable decline. Perimenopause does not mean the end of intimacy; it just means understanding your body in a new way.

• Changes in cholesterol and bone density: estrogen plays a role in bone and heart health, so as its levels drop, the risk of osteoporosis and high cholesterol increases. That means we have to be extra mindful of our diet and lifestyle.

How I learned to adapt

At first, I thought I could just “push through” the symptoms, but I quickly realized that approach was not sustainable. Perimenopause is not a disease, so there is nothing to “cure,” but there are ways to manage it. Here is what helped me:

1. Keeping a symptom journal

One of the best things I did was start tracking my symptoms.

Over time, patterns emerged. I realized that caffeine and alcohol triggered my hot flashes and that poor sleep made my mood swings worse. Knowledge is power; once I knew my triggers, I could make adjustments.

2. Adjusting my diet

I used to think I ate pretty well, but perimenopause forced me to be more intentional about what I put in my body. I cut back on sugar, reduced my caffeine intake, and increased my intake of calcium-rich foods like leafy greens and almonds to protect my bones. Eating more protein helped me maintain muscle mass, and staying hydrated became essential for managing headaches and dryness.

3. Prioritizing exercise

I have never been someone who enjoys structured workouts, but I have realized the importance of incorporating strength training into my routine. It has been a few years since I have hit the gym for muscle work, as I have always preferred yoga and walking. However, I know that strength training helps counteract muscle loss, keeps bones strong, and, most importantly, boosts mood and energy levels.

I am working on improving in this area because I see how crucial it is for overall health, especially during perimenopause. Even just a bit of strength training alongside my walks can make a big difference.

4. Improving sleep habits

Poor sleep makes every symptom worse, and I have learned just how crucial it is for me, especially when it comes to memory and anxiety. I started creating a bedtime routine to improve my sleep: no screens before bed, keeping the room cool, and cutting down on caffeine, particularly in the evening.

Sleep has such a big impact on how I feel the next day, and I have noticed that when I get enough rest, my memory feels sharper, and my anxiety is more manageable. It is one of those simple but essential habits I am trying to prioritize more.

5. Seeking support

This was huge. Perimenopause can feel isolating because it is not always talked about openly. Having a support system: friends who understood, family members who were patient, and even talking to my doctor, made a difference. Sometimes, just knowing you are not alone in this makes everything feel more manageable.

6. Adjusting to stress and anxiety

Perimenopause can bring its emotional ups and downs, and stress certainly doesn’t help. I had to make an effort to slow down and find ways to relax. Whether it was a quick yoga session or just stepping outside for a bit of fresh air, those moments helped me feel more balanced. Taking time to unwind, even in small ways, made a difference in how I handled the changes.

Related posts:

• 7 Ways to manage brain fog and memory loss during perimenopause
• 15 ways to embrace change and finding balance
• 9 Practical ways to survive bad days and practical strategies for overcoming difficult moments

The emotional side of perimenopause

Beyond the physical changes, perimenopause brings a shift in identity. Many women in their 40s and 50s are going through major life transitions: children growing up and leaving for college, changes in careers, and shifting family dynamics. For me, this phase coincided with Elisa leaving for college, which added another emotional layer to the experience.

I realized that, for years, I had been so focused on being a mother that I had not thought about what life would look like as my children became independent. Perimenopause felt like a double reminder that time was passing, and that was hard to accept at times.

Here is what I learned: change is inevitable, but it does not have to be something to fear. If anything, this phase is a reminder to take care of ourselves, prioritize our well-being, and embrace the wisdom that comes with age.

A new chapter in our lives

Perimenopause is not just about hormones; it is about growth, adaptation, and self-awareness. Yes, it can be frustrating, exhausting, and overwhelming. It is also an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, to reassess our priorities, and to take control of our health in new ways.

If you are going through this, know that you are not alone. Talk about it. Laugh about it when you can. Be patient with yourself. And most importantly, remember that this is just another chapter in the incredible journey of being a woman.

Thank you for spending time with me today!

See you next time.

Valentina