Life has a way of pulling us in a hundred different directions: work, kids, bills, and the never-ending to-do lists. But as the years have passed, Pietro and I have come to truly appreciate the importance of carving out time for ourselves as a couple.
It wasn’t always easy or something we prioritized, but looking back, I see how every phase of our relationship has taught us valuable lessons about connection, love, and balance.
Let me take you on our journey.
Our early years as parents
When Elisa was born, she became our world. I’ll never forget her first sleepover; it wasn’t a carefully planned event or an attempt to give ourselves a break. No, it happened because Marco was born at home, and Elisa went to my sister’s house for the night. She was three years and fifteen days old, and I remember thinking, “How is she so grown-up already?”
From the start, Elisa was an easygoing child. She came along with us everywhere, adapting beautifully to our outings. Breastfeeding simplified things, and we never felt the need to leave her behind. Marco was no different, and while we loved being parents, it naturally meant our time as a couple became secondary.
The move to England
Our move to England was a turning point in many ways. Elisa was 5 ½ and Marco was 2 ½. With no family nearby to help, we became even more focused on the kids. Not that we minded, we genuinely loved spending time with them. British culture also played a role. Kids are expected to be in bed by six and are not exactly welcome in pubs or restaurants after that time. Date nights weren’t even on our radar!
Our first night out alone in England came much later, for my 40th birthday. Elisa was 8 ½, thrilled to have her first sleepover at a friend’s house. Marco, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure. He stayed at his best friend Adam’s house, but halfway through our dinner, we got the dreaded call: he was scared. Tears and all. Somehow, we managed to reassure him over the phone, promising we’d pick him up in the morning.
Rediscovering us in America
It wasn’t until we moved to America that things shifted. Elisa was about 13 when we started carving out intentional couple time. This wasn’t because we felt forced – it was simply the right time for us. We’d spent years pouring our energy into parenting, and now we began to realize the value of focusing on each other.
Why couple time matters
1. Demonstrating priorities
Our relationship has always been a cornerstone of our family, even during those early years when parenting felt like a whirlwind. Yet, amidst the chaos, we always found ways, however small, to remind each other of our importance.
Now that Elisa is 18 and Marco is 15, I can look back with pride at how much we poured into raising them, but as fulfilling as that was (and still is), I have come to understand that my relationship with Pietro deserves that same level of attention. It is not about choosing one over the other; it is about balance.
Kids grow up. They become their people with lives that pull them in different directions. As much as I love being their mother, I know this chapter of intense parenting isn’t forever. What is forever, though, is the relationship Pietro and I have built.
Taking time to focus on us isn’t just a luxury; it is a necessity. It is about preserving what we have spent years building and ensuring that, as life continues to evolve, we remain as connected as ever. Because at the end of the day, when the house is quiet and the kids are off chasing their adventures, it is Pietro and me. And that is a beautiful thing.
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2. Breaking the routine
It is so easy to get caught up in the rhythm of everyday life: work, school runs, endless to-do lists. Days blur into weeks, and before you know it, the months are flying by. But I have learned that stepping out of that routine, even briefly, is like breathing fresh air into our relationship.
Taking time for just the two of us feels like pressing pause on the chaos and remembering who we are beyond the roles of parents and problem-solvers. It doesn’t have to be extravagant: a quiet dinner, a walk through the neighborhood, or even sitting on the couch reminiscing about the adventures we have shared.
What is beautiful is how these little breaks can bring so much clarity. They remind me of the early days, why we connected in the first place, and how much we have grown together since then.
I have realized that these moments aren’t just about recharging our relationship; they are about appreciating it.
3. Creating memories
Relationships, much like life itself, are a series of highs and lows, and it is impossible to avoid the occasional bump in the road. What I have discovered over the years is the power of holding onto the good moments, almost like treasures stored away in a chest. They become my emotional safety net, something to lean on when challenges arise.
Those memories are proof of how far we have come and how much we have grown together. I have learned to collect them intentionally, not by forcing perfect moments but by embracing the little things.
When life feels heavy or a disagreement surfaces, I find myself replaying those memories, reminding me of all we have built. It is not about erasing the hard days but balancing them with the good ones, making it easier to move forward.
4. Deepening intimacy
When we step outside our routine, whether it is a date night at a cozy restaurant or a simple walk, the connection feels different, almost renewed.
I notice things about Pietro I might overlook in the rush of daily life, and being fully present with one another, away from schedules and responsibilities, helps us rediscover the qualities that brought us together in the first place.
It is in those moments that I feel a deeper closeness, a renewed appreciation for the person beside me.
5. Reducing stress, increasing happiness
I have noticed that whenever Pietro and I carve out some quality time together, it is like a wave of calm and happiness washes over us. There is something so refreshing about setting aside the usual responsibilities and focusing on us. It is not just about the moment itself; it is about the energy it creates afterward.
Spending time together feels like recharging our batteries. When we are laughing over a shared joke or enjoying a quiet meal, I can feel the stress melting away. It is as if the weight of the world shrinks for a little while, leaving only the joy of being with the person I fell in love with 24 years ago.
What is funny is that the more we do this, the more we want to do it. It is additive in the best way, thanks to those “happy hormones” like oxytocin that come with being close to someone you care about. I see it in Pietro too; after a great evening together, he is more relaxed, more cheerful, and even more affectionate.
Even when life feels busy or overwhelming, I remind myself how much better we both feel after even a short time together. It is not just good for us as a couple; it makes us better parents, friends, and people.
6. Exploring together
We have learned to embrace the idea that date nights don’t have to follow a script. Sure, dinners are lovely, but there is something special about exploring beyond the usual.
These moments of discovery bring a sense of adventure back into our relationship. They remind us that no matter how long we have been together, there is always something new to learn about each other. Trying something unfamiliar forces us out of our comfort zones in the best way, creating memories that are just ours.
7. Feeling loved and appreciated
There is something so beautiful about knowing that Pietro has thought about carving out time just for us. It is never about grand gestures or lavish plans; it is the small, intentional moments that truly make me feel cherished. It is the effort that touches my heart.
When he does these things, it is like he is saying, “You are important to me. I see you. I value us.” It is in these moments that I feel truly prioritized, like he has taken a step back from the demands of life to focus solely on us.
And it is funny how these thoughtful acts have a ripple effect. They inspire me to reciprocate, to plan little surprises or carve out special time for him. It becomes this beautiful cycle of giving and receiving love.
No regrets, just phases
Looking back, I don’t regret the years we devoted almost exclusively to our children. Those moments were precious, and we found other ways to connect as a couple. But life comes in phases, and this is ours now: a time to laugh, to love, and to prioritize our relationship without guilt.
We have always worked hard to build a strong, adaptable relationship. Whether it is 9 a.m. coffee dates or afternoon ice cream runs, we consider every shared moment a “date night.”
After all this, I want to say that we are not the perfect couple; we have our ups and downs like everyone else. But we try, we put in the effort, and we keep showing up for each other to make it work and stay happy together.
If there is one thing I have learned, it is that relationships thrive on intention. It is not about how often you go out or what you do, but about making each other feel seen, loved, and valued.
Thank you for spending time with me today!
See you next time.
Valentina
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