When I was younger, love, to me, was a fire. A roaring, all-consuming flame of passion, grand gestures, and intense emotions. I imagined it as something dramatic that would set my soul ablaze. I wanted overwhelming love, where feelings were deep and everything felt like life or death.
And so, in my past relationships, I chased that intensity. I wanted the highs, the undeniable chemistry, the kind of romance that feels straight out of a novel.
But there was always a catch: the stronger the fire, the faster it burned out. I found myself in constant battles, seeking validation through passion and thinking that the more we argued, the more real our love was. Everything was black or white, either perfect or completely wrong.
Then, at 25, I met Pietro. And at first, I approached our relationship the same way I always had: intensely, all or nothing. But something was different.
Love is a dance
Without realizing it, I started changing. Not because I wanted to, not because I forced myself to, but because love, real love, has a rhythm of its own. It is like a dance. At first, we kept stepping on each other’s toes, trying to lead, trying to set the pace. But slowly, we started moving together, finding a rhythm that belonged to us.
It was not perfect, and it still is not. There are moments when we misstep, when we fumble, when one of us wants to waltz while the other wants to tango. But instead of fighting for control, we learned to listen to the music we created together.
And in doing so, we found something deeper, something that was not just passion but also trust, respect, and a love that kept evolving. The fire is still there, but it is no longer the kind that burns everything in its path.
Love is full of colors
Before Pietro, my world was black and white. Things were either right or wrong, beautiful or ugly, good or bad, but love taught me about colors, about the shades in between.
I learned that love is not about being right or winning an argument. It is about seeing the different shades of a situation, understanding perspectives other than your own, and finding common ground.
Pietro and I are incredibly different. We come from different backgrounds, and we see the world in different ways, and yet, instead of erasing those differences, love has allowed us to merge them. While blending our colors, we have created something unique, something that is neither just him nor just me, but a mixture of both.
Love taught me to love myself
For a long time, I measured my worth by my appearance. I thought that being thinner, looking a certain way, or fitting an ideal would make me more lovable.
Pietro changed that. He has never loved me for how I look but for who I am. He has always seen beyond the surface, beyond the imperfections I used to fixate on.
And through his love, I learned to love myself. I stopped seeing my body as something that needed to be changed and started seeing it as simply a part of me.
Love is not about perfection. It is about accepting yourself as you are, and in doing so, allowing someone else to love you fully.
Love is balance
I used to believe that love had to be extreme, that if it was not filled with passion and intensity at all times, then it was not real. But I have learned that love is also about stability. It is about having deep roots while still reaching for the sky.
Pietro has grounded me. He has taught me that emotions are beautiful, but that being swept away by them is not always wise.
Love is not just about the highs; it is also about the quiet, steady moments. The ones where you feel safe, where you know that no matter what happens, you have a place to return to.
Love gave me a voice
Before Pietro, I struggled to express my thoughts in a way that felt valid. I would react rather than reflect, and act on instinct rather than reason.
He taught me to argue, not to fight. To discuss, not to win. To express my opinions with confidence, knowing they had value. And most importantly, he listened.
Love is about being heard. It is about knowing that your thoughts, your feelings, and your beliefs matter. It is about having someone who sees you, truly sees you, and never makes you feel small for thinking differently.
Love requires effort
The fairytales never really talk about this part. The part where love is not effortless, where it requires work, patience, and commitment.
I used to believe that if love was real, it would always feel easy. That if you found the right person, everything would just fall into place. But love is not a fairytale – it is a choice you make every day.
There have been times when Pietro and I were not on the same page. Times when stress, exhaustion, or life’s unexpected twists made it harder to connect. I remember moments when I wanted to retreat into myself, but instead, I had to learn to lean in, to communicate, to be present, to show up for him.
It is easy to love when everything is perfect. It is much harder when life throws challenges your way. Like when we moved across the world, leaving behind family, friends, and everything familiar. Or when parenting tested our patience in ways we never expected. Love in those moments was not about romance; it was about teamwork. It was about knowing that, no matter how hard things got, we were in this together.
Love is not about perfection; it is about consistency. It is about choosing each other, even on the days when it would be easier to pull away.
Love is independence
One of the most surprising things love taught me was that I am capable on my own.
Before, I used to cling to relationships, defining myself by them. But Pietro never wanted me to be dependent on him. Instead, he encouraged me to stand on my own, trust in my abilities, and see myself as strong and independent.
Real love does not make you smaller; it helps you grow. It does not ask you to shrink to fit into someone else’s life. It allows you to expand, and become more of who you truly are.
Love is not perfect
For the longest time, I thought love had to look a certain way. But now, I know that love is not about perfection. It is about authenticity.
Love changes. It shifts, it evolves, it grows. Some days, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. On other days, it takes patience and understanding. But the beauty of love is in its imperfection, in its ability to adapt and survive even when things are not ideal.
Love is trust
Now I know that, even in an argument, Pietro is not going anywhere. Just because we disagree, it does not mean everything is falling apart.
I have learned that sometimes, there is no “right” answer, just different perspectives. I realized that solving every disagreement is not the goal; sometimes, the goal is simply understanding each other a little better.
Love is patience. It is choosing each other, over and over again, even when it would be easier to walk away.
Related posts:
- 5 Love languages: a guide to better understanding and connection
- Opposites attract: the dance of differences and affinities in our marriage.
- The power of time together as a couple
- 14 Little acts of love
Love is vulnerability
I believe that, at its core, love is about opening yourself up. It is about being seen, not just the good parts, not just the put-together version of yourself, but all of you. The fears, the insecurities, the imperfections.
And it is about knowing that someone sees all of that and still chooses you.
That, I think, is the most beautiful part of love. It is not about fire or grand gestures. It is about knowing, deep in your soul, that you are loved for exactly who you are.
Thank you for spending time with me today!
See you next time.
Valentina
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