Trixy Life

Pregnancy and early independence

As a mother, different stages of our journey evoke unique emotions. I vividly remember the third trimester of my pregnancy with Elisa – an intense mix of anticipation and need. I felt an overwhelming desire to see her, to hold her, and to finally have her outside my womb, where I could touch her and keep her close. The contractions were more than just physical sensations; they signaled her readiness to join the world outside.

When Elisa was nine months old, her independence started to shine through. She began crawling in her distinctive way, sitting on the floor and pushing herself forward with one leg bent, eager to explore every nook and cranny. I remember one summer holiday in Puglia vividly. I was in the water, watching Pietro and Elisa play by the seaside. Suddenly, she took off, crawling away in her unique style, waving goodbye with her little hand. Pietro and I decided to let her explore, curious to see how far she’d go before looking back. Elisa crawled nearly 500 meters without once glancing back. We followed her, but she was so engrossed in her adventure that she never noticed us.

That day, we knew Elisa’s innate independence and curiosity would always drive her to explore the world around her.

The final push towards independence

As Elisa approached the end of high school, her eagerness to embrace independence grew stronger. At eighteen, she was determined to explore the world on her terms. We supported her wholeheartedly. Elisa has always been mature and responsible for her age, and we trusted her readiness for this next chapter. Her drive to experience new things and challenge herself was evident in every conversation we had about her college plans.

In the final weeks before her departure for college, Elisa’s excitement was palpable. She was busy packing, making last-minute preparations, and counting down the days. I thought I was ready to let her go.

I had grown weary of the mess, her clothes scattered everywhere, and the feeling that our home was becoming too tight for her growing wings. But then, just three days before she was set to leave, I was hit by a wave of sadness. One evening after dinner, I found myself crying uncontrollably. My emotions were a whirlwind: heartache over her leaving, fear of not being there to protect her, and nostalgia for the baby she once was. How had the years flown by so quickly? How was she already heading off to college?

I felt a deep sense of loss, as though a significant part of my daily life was slipping away. The house seemed emptier, and I began to miss the small but meaningful routines we shared. It was a stark reminder that while I was excited for her, I was also grappling with the emotional weight of this transition.

Related posts:

• Navigating the empty nest: a mother’s reflection as Elisa goes to college.
• 6 Ways to become a better listener: my journey and tips
• 9 Ways I’ve improved communication with my teenagers
• Managing expectations when college kids come back for the holidays

The day of departure

On the day Elisa left, I managed to stay composed, focusing on the many tasks at hand – making sure she packed everything, getting to college on time, organizing her dorm room, and ensuring her new environment was safe. The logistical tasks were a welcome distraction, keeping me busy and focused on practical matters.

That evening, we went out with close friends who had also just dropped off their daughter at college. It was comforting to be with others who were navigating the same mix of emotions. We shared stories, supported each other, and found solace in the fact that our feelings were part of a universal parental experience. It reminded me that we are not alone in this transition. Every parent goes through this pivotal moment, and it is a shared experience of letting go.

Adapting to the new normal

Since Elisa started college, we have been keeping in touch daily. I have already visited her (she is in-state, which makes it easier), and it was wonderful to see her settling in and making her space her own. Reflecting on these past two weeks, I see how adaptable we humans are. It is okay that Elisa is out there living her life, forging her path.

As a parent, I feel like I am going through a kind of mourning period. I am coming to terms with losing my role as her constant protector and reference point. Elisa no longer needs me in those capacities. Instead, she needs someone who can engage with her as an adult, listen to her countless stories about campus life, and offer support from a distance.

I still find myself checking in on her. Thanks to the Find My app, I can see that she is in her room every night. I ask about her eating habits, her sleep, and whether she misses us. When she replies with a “little,” it reassures me. I know that her innate need for independence and exploration is being fulfilled, and as a parent, that is all I truly want for her: to be happy, at peace, and thriving in her new environment.

Learning to embrace the new role

This transition is teaching me to adapt to a new role. I am learning to let go of the protector role I held so closely for so many years. Elisa is now carving out her own space in the world, and my role has shifted to being a supportive listener and advisor. It is a new dynamic, and while it is challenging, it is also rewarding to see her grow and embrace her independence.

I have found that embracing this new role involves redefining my daily routine and adjusting my expectations. I am learning to appreciate the moments of connection we still share, like our daily chats or the occasional visit, and to celebrate her achievements from afar. It is a reminder that even though she is physically distant, our bond remains strong.

Reflecting on the journey

As I reflect on these past two weeks, I realize that every stage of parenting brings its own set of emotions and challenges. The transition from having a child at home to watching them step out into the world is profound. It is a mix of pride, sadness, nostalgia, and hope. I find comfort in knowing that Elisa is following her dreams and making the most of this new chapter in her life.

This journey has also given me a deeper appreciation for the process of letting go and the personal growth that accompanies it. I am learning to trust in her abilities and to find joy in her successes, even from a distance.

How did you handle or are you preparing to handle this transition? What emotions did you experience as your child left for college, and how are you adapting to your new role? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Thanks for hanging out with me today!

Se you next time!

Valentina